This is something that is very tough to talk about, since when it happens our thoughts and emotions are usually all over the place.  It can feel like a dream, each day just sort of blurs into the next.  Things we used to enjoy doing, and even tv shows that used to make us laugh and smile just don’t anymore.  When we lose someone or something dear to us the memories of our loss will stay with us throughout life, but the first few months after a loss and anniversarys and holidays are particularly tough.

You might find yourself getting upset out of nowhere, in these cases look around and think about what’s happening for you.  There is probably a ‘trigger’ happening, where a smell, sound or event is reminding you of that person.  Take this time to think about them, go somewhere to cry if you need to.

Some might say, “how can someone call themselves strong and cry?”  Well, real strength lies in facing your emotions rather than bottling them up and running away from them.  Let your feelings happen, because if you don’t they will hit you real hard down the road.

Try to figure out if you had some sort of closure for your loss.  If you couldn’t attend the funeral, or have another ceremony around when the loss happened then look at something else you can do instead.  Write a letter then bury it in the ground, or leave it at the gravesite.  You could also plant a tree in memory of who, or what you lost.

Try to not get angry at yourself, and take your time.  Whether you lost a job, a favourite bicycle got stolen, you broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a family member (even a pet) died, or your parents split up.  These are all losses all the same, and saying things like “there are bigger things that could have happened” or “I need to stop letting this bug me” can make things worse.

So, let things happen, don’t be afraid to cry and go and be with your friends and loved ones when things like this happen.

A good book to help you out would be  “Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas” by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

Rest in Peace, Gus - 01

◄ Back

Next ►

Picture 1 of 4

Share on Facebook

Since the beginning of time us humans were scared of things because we don’t want to die, it’s how we’ve survived for so long.  When you see a big spider on the wall it’s okay to be worried because your instincts are telling you that you could get hurt… or poisoned.  The same goes for heights, small spaces, water, storms, the dark and more. 

These are reasonable fears and we’re afraid of them because they can hurt us.  However, we can sometimes take these too far and to the point where they get in the way of our lives; our relationships, work and other activities.  When it gets to this point you should look into some way to deal with them.

Some of us also have fears that our family and friends really might not get.  I’ll admit… I had a fear of apple cider when I was a kid.  The reason was because I was drinking some when a hornet flew in my ear and stung me.  I love apple cider but it reminded me of what happened.

Think about a fear you have and try and look back to when your fear started, there just might be something scary that happened at the time.  Maybe someone close to you passed away, or your parents split up.  If it’s too hard to do take your time with this and go at your own pace.

You might fear a certain person, place or action because of how they look, act or smell.  Something bad might have happened to you and there was a smell of roses in the air.  Now, whenever you smell roses this triggers you to be scared.  This is what we call anxiety, because you might not always realize why you’re so worried.  You have to do some digging to figure it out.

Even just thinking about your fears is helping you get over them, keep thinking and remembering them.  Google them, watch movies about them, listen to songs about them, play video games that have them.  When you are ready to face them in RL, go for it.  But, use common sense since if it is a reasonable fear like going into a tank of scorpions or black widows maybe it’s best that you don’t.

Share on Facebook

Things happen in our lives that can just seem unbearable.  Sometimes you have every reason to feel down, such as if you’ve had a loss in your life recently.  In those cases let your feelings show, talk to someone you trust or speak to a counsellor trained in grief or trauma therapy.  Don’t hold your feelings back or they will be there in your chest holding you back for a long time.

Sometimes we perceive things to be a lot worse than they really are.  Like waiting at a crosswalk when it’s raining to get to a coffee shop and the sign it just won’t switch to walk.  Your wet, it’s cold, a car splashes water on you and you need that caffeine or you’re going to lose it!  Or how about those nights when you’re playing Starcraft, or Halo and you just aren’t into it like you usually are and your score proves it.

The first thing you’ll want to do is take a breath.  If you are stressed out, your body naturally reacts to prepare for danger and hyperventilation will occur.  To calm down, take in deep breaths and feel your diaphragm slowly expand in and out.  Give your brain the oxygen it needs to strategize.  Some people might find that visualizing helps.  Visualizing is a strategy where you imagine yourself in a more positive and relaxing place.  For example, you’re in Elwynn forest and you are focusing on small details around you, fish in a nearby stream and the color of different trees.

Once you are feeling relaxed, try to find a solution to your problem.  Try the following strategies…

• Who can help you with this?  Look to family and friends to support you through this.
• Have you ever dealt with a more difficult problem in the past and how so?  Use similar strategies.
• Use positive self-talk - if you simply tell yourself you can handle something, you’ll be more motivated.

Most importantly, reward yourself for your accomplishment.  Avoid saying “I could’ve done better”, or “that shouldn’t have happened in the first place”.  You’re human and part of being human is making mistakes and learning from them

Share on Facebook

Given that this website is all about being Pro at RL, I have to say that the most important thing you need to do for yourself is to eat right.  I have to admit that for the longest time I struggled to purchase and eat everything I needed, and instead lived off of multivitamins to get my nutrients.  Life goes fast when you’re a young adult, and there’s a tendency to eat fast too so you can get back to doing what you have to do for work or family life.  The fast food you’re eating is void of nutrients and has chemicals and other crap that are going to build up in your system.  I would recommend watching Food Matters and Food, Inc. to learn more.

We treat our bodies worse than we would our car.  You wouldn’t want to put cheap oil and gas in your car which would destroy the engine would you?  You wouldn’t put a dirty and scratched up game in your PS3 or 360 either.

So, I’ve started to drink a health supplement.  4 shots of this organic drink a day equals 13 servings of fruits and vegetables.  Plus, the an immense amount of antioxidants in this stuff are getting rid of free radicals in my body.  A free radical is an atom or molecule with an unpaired electron, which damage cells in the body.  The damage caused by free radicals has been linked to cancer, arthritis, alzheimer’s and diabetes.

You could go to the store and purchase 13 servings of fruits and vegetables every day but you’re looking at paying $20+ each time.   Not to mention that the produce you see in the store are nutrient deprived, have pesticide and herbicides and are at least a week old.

I’m on the Active formula of this drink, which has liquid glucosamine in it which is like oil for my joints.  I feel pretty good.

Share on Facebook

Welcome to Pro @ RL! 

Pro means being awesome, sweet, amazing, and overall professional at something.  RL stands for real life.

This was a project I hoped to work on for a while, but kept putting on hold while I dealt with some other stuff.  The purpose of this site is to talk about different problems life might send people’s ways and how to deal with them.  Like what to do when your guild leader decides to demote you when you couldn’t make it to a raid because your parents wanted you to finish your chores.  Or, maybe something along the lines of coming to terms with a loss in your life.

This website is going to be a work in progress.  As a social worker/counsellor, I’d like to put a bit of research behind running a project like this before rushing into it.  I’ll keep you updated!

Share on Facebook