I’ve decided to go another route for Pro @ RL.  It has been somewhat difficult to maintain a self-help centered website, partly due to the amount of time that it takes to maintain while ensuring that the material is taken from and backed by research.  Also, I prefer to encourage self-determination where people can come up with their own answers.  I apologize to any followers I might have had, including those I’ve talked to personally about this online project of mine.

I’ve noticed that lately I’ve been feeling passionate about social injustice.  In the past I’ve been immersed in it, hearing from people in my home town who have been treated unfairly by those in power, whether they knew it or not.  I recently took a trip to a country in Central America, which I had hoped to be my time to sort out some personal issues, however upon leaving the resort I saw the state of how people actually lived.  Sure, you see commercials and read about poverty in 3rd world countries however when you see it, hear it and feel it, it becomes a bit more real.

Pro at RL is making a change to become “Xeno’s Chronicles”, and will be a forum for me to share some of my experiences on the front lines and get out some of my frustrations about the state of the world.

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The other day someone told me that a concerned friend told her that she must be ‘stressed out’ because of her situation, but she wasn’t fully sure what it meant to be stressed and how it was affecting her.  First of all, let’s start with a definition: stress occurs when you have more demands than resources to deal with those demands.  In nature, stress can happen on a tree when, for example, a big cat sits on a thin tree branch that can’t handle it’s weight -- so the branch breaks and the cat falls.  In the computer world, when you have too many programs open or play a game at max graphics for a long time your computer just might crash or BSOD.

In our own lives, if we’ve got too much happening and we don’t stop to take care of ourselves we might crash too, or get stressed out, feel drained or like crap.  Our crash can come physically: our immune systems take a break and we get sick (you just might notice this happen after exam time or after a big project is finished), or we finds ourselves getting tired because we’ve been pumping adrenaline, cortisol, and drinking caffeine to keep the rush going.  You might find yourself jumpy and agitated, you might eat more or eat less, be unable to sleep or sleep too much.  You might not be able to keep down your food, or might be running to the washroom often.  This is because your survival instincts are kicking in, the human fight or flight response that kept our species alive for millions of years.  However, the part of our brain that contols stress has trouble differentiating what’s threatening and what isn’t.  Your boss looming over your shoulders, wanting you to add cover sheets to your reports might seem to your amygdala like a cobra ready to strike.  Your parents grounding you from Warcraft for a week, to your amygdala could be like a tornado headed in your direction.  When you are taking care of yourself, you are better equipped to think and figure out how defensive is healthy for that specific situation.

I’ve also seen a link between mental health, and a person’s ability to handle stress.  You can share your thoughts if you disagree, but when someone already has a diagnosis or a family history of mental disabilities it seems that increased stress can lead to bouts of depression, increased anxiety, panic attacks, trouble concentrating, and perhaps even increased hyperactivity.  For myself, I notice that if I’m not taking care of myself I’m less productive and have trouble focusing on the needs of others.

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There’s just something about taking a photograph that soothes the soul.  Time flies, but memories stand still.  It’s nice to have a small piece of technology that can capture that moment in time.

While looking at a picture you took during a vacation or while you were out and about, try and remember the feelings that you had at that time:  The emotions going through you, the smells in the air, the feeling of the wind on your face, the sun shining down on you.  This can be a great way to de-stress when life is getting a bit too hectic.

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This is something that is very tough to talk about, since when it happens our thoughts and emotions are usually all over the place.  It can feel like a dream, each day just sort of blurs into the next.  Things we used to enjoy doing, and even tv shows that used to make us laugh and smile just don’t anymore.  When we lose someone or something dear to us the memories of our loss will stay with us throughout life, but the first few months after a loss and anniversarys and holidays are particularly tough.

You might find yourself getting upset out of nowhere, in these cases look around and think about what’s happening for you.  There is probably a ‘trigger’ happening, where a smell, sound or event is reminding you of that person.  Take this time to think about them, go somewhere to cry if you need to.

Some might say, “how can someone call themselves strong and cry?”  Well, real strength lies in facing your emotions rather than bottling them up and running away from them.  Let your feelings happen, because if you don’t they will hit you real hard down the road.

Try to figure out if you had some sort of closure for your loss.  If you couldn’t attend the funeral, or have another ceremony around when the loss happened then look at something else you can do instead.  Write a letter then bury it in the ground, or leave it at the gravesite.  You could also plant a tree in memory of who, or what you lost.

Try to not get angry at yourself, and take your time.  Whether you lost a job, a favourite bicycle got stolen, you broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a family member (even a pet) died, or your parents split up.  These are all losses all the same, and saying things like “there are bigger things that could have happened” or “I need to stop letting this bug me” can make things worse.

So, let things happen, don’t be afraid to cry and go and be with your friends and loved ones.

A good book to help you out would be  “Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas” by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.

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Since the beginning of time us humans were scared of things because we don’t want to die, it’s how we’ve survived for so long.  When you see a big spider on the wall it’s okay to be worried because your instincts are telling you that you could get hurt… or poisoned.  The same goes for heights, small spaces, water, storms, the dark and more. 

These are reasonable fears and we’re afraid of them because they can hurt us.  However, we can sometimes take these too far and to the point where they get in the way of our lives; our relationships, work and other activities.  When it gets to this point you should look into some way to deal with them.

Some of us also have fears that our family and friends really might not get.  I’ll admit… I had a fear of apple cider when I was a kid.  The reason was because I was drinking some when a hornet flew in my ear and stung me.  I love apple cider but it reminded me of what happened.

Think about a fear you have and try and look back to when your fear started, there just might be something scary that happened at the time.  Maybe someone close to you passed away, or your parents split up.  If it’s too hard to do take your time with this and go at your own pace.

You might fear a certain person, place or action because of how they look, act or smell.  Something bad might have happened to you and there was a smell of roses in the air.  Now, whenever you smell roses this triggers you to be scared.  This is what we call anxiety, because you might not always realize why you’re so worried.  You have to do some digging to figure it out.

Even just thinking about your fears is helping you get over them, keep thinking and remembering them.  Google them, watch movies about them, listen to songs about them, play video games that have them.  When you are ready to face them in RL, go for it.  But, use common sense since if it is a reasonable fear like going into a tank of scorpions or black widows maybe it’s best that you don’t.

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Things happen in our lives that can just seem unbearable.  Sometimes you have every reason to feel down, such as if you’ve had a loss in your life recently.  In those cases let your feelings show, talk to someone you trust or speak to a counsellor trained in grief or trauma therapy.  Don’t hold your feelings back or they will be there in your chest holding you back for a long time.

Sometimes we perceive things to be a lot worse than they really are.  Like waiting at a crosswalk when it’s raining to get to a coffee shop and the sign it just won’t switch to walk.  Your wet, it’s cold, a car splashes water on you and you need that caffeine or you’re going to lose it!  Or how about those nights when you’re playing Starcraft, or Halo and you just aren’t into it like you usually are and your score proves it.

The first thing you’ll want to do is take a breath.  If you are stressed out, your body naturally reacts to prepare for danger and hyperventilation will occur.  To calm down, take in deep breaths and feel your diaphragm slowly expand in and out.  Give your brain the oxygen it needs to strategize.  Some people might find that visualizing helps.  Visualizing is a strategy where you imagine yourself in a more positive and relaxing place.  For example, you’re in Elwynn forest and you are focusing on small details around you, fish in a nearby stream and the color of different trees.

Once you are feeling relaxed, try to find a solution to your problem.  Try the following strategies…

• Who can help you with this?  Look to family and friends to support you through this.
• Have you ever dealt with a more difficult problem in the past and how so?  Use similar strategies.
• Use positive self-talk - if you simply tell yourself you can handle something, you’ll be more motivated.

Most importantly, reward yourself for your accomplishment.  Avoid saying “I could’ve done better”, or “that shouldn’t have happened in the first place”.  You’re human and part of being human is making mistakes and learning from them

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Given that this website is all about being Pro at RL, I have to say that the most important thing you need to do for yourself is to eat right.  I have to admit that for the longest time I struggled to purchase and eat everything I needed, and instead lived off of multivitamins to get my nutrients.  Life goes fast when you’re a young adult, and there’s a tendency to eat fast too so you can get back to doing what you have to do for work or family life.  The fast food you’re eating is void of nutrients and has chemicals and other crap that are going to build up in your system.  I would recommend watching Food Matters and Food, Inc. to learn more.

We treat our bodies worse than we would our car.  You wouldn’t want to put cheap oil and gas in your car which would destroy the engine would you?  You wouldn’t put a dirty and scratched up game in your PS3 or 360 either.

So, get yourself to a grocery store and stock up on some fruits and vegetables.  There are numerous health products out there with multiple health claims.  Be sure to do your research before getting pulled into anything.  Speak to your doctor as well to make sure that the fruits, herbs and so on don’t counteract with any medication you are taking as well.

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Welcome to Pro @ RL! 

Pro means being awesome, sweet, amazing, and overall professional at something.  RL stands for real life.

This was a project I hoped to work on for a while, but kept putting on hold while I dealt with some other stuff.  The purpose of this site is to talk about different problems life might send people’s ways and how to deal with them.  Like what to do when your guild leader decides to demote you when you couldn’t make it to a raid because your parents wanted you to finish your chores.  Or, maybe something along the lines of coming to terms with a loss in your life.

This website is going to be a work in progress.  As a social worker/counsellor, I’d like to put a bit of research behind running a project like this before rushing into it.  I’ll keep you updated!

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